Tuesday 11 February 2014

Bus driver crashes a single-decker bus into house


Gulf war veteran turned bus driver crashes a single-decker bus into pensioner's home.

 Yesterday Mr Ted Jones (48) skidded on black ice and lost control of the bus which smashed into the kitchen wall of 67 year old Mrs Joan Smith's house.

Mr Jones was taken to Leodis General Hospital with minor injuries at 6am and no other passengers were present during the crash, Mr Jones said "I take a bus out on my own and I demolish a kitchen".

Leodis police have made no charges against him.

Granny finds single-Decker bus in her kitchen



Cake fanatic pensioner wakes to find a single-decker bus in her kitchen.

Yesterday Mrs Joan Smith (67) of 21 Balmoral Road Leodis hurried downstairs after hearing a loud bang during the early hours of that morning, she said it "looked as if an earthquake had hit it".

Mrs Smith's whole kitchen needs rebuilding and no major injuries were attained from the crash,                  she said "it could be weeks before I can do any baking in my own kitchen again".

The touch screens of tomorrow



Today I noticed an itch of a problem , and that problem exists within our children and the  technology of today.

Obviously I cannot discriminate against the extraordinary endeavours of the mighty technology lords, and how they've taken a vast turn on our little planet.
However this vast turn should not corrupt the minds of our children.
 To a turn to my daily endeavours , I was casually eating my lunch , when suddenly  I was surrounded by children with smart phones, I mean of course parents nowadays  should encourage their children to have their five a day, but honestly Apple and Blackberry?

It's not that my anger manifests from the thought of envy ;  that these youngsters may have a better mobile device than myself, but the fact of the matter is what does an 11yr old  actually need it for ? Sharing yesterday's reviews on an episode of pepper pig? Soon enough children will have discovered everything they need to know buy a touch of a button or a swipe of a screen - How daddy struggles to fit into that same Santa suit every year and the vegetable police do not exist. Needless to say the parents are always the ones to blame. Everywhere I go I see mother's pushing their prams whilst sending a text, what is next for the maternal instinct ? The breast feeding app perhaps?

Sunday 9 February 2014

Girls going wild in red light district





This is amazing!

Mother nature has been diagnosed with bipolar .

 

UK Today's      Weather

Don't bother letting the cat out tonight
Don't go out unless looking like a condom
Charge tourists to take pictures of  the ducks in your garden
Try not to increase the population
Tell your girlfriends that ' The Wet Look' is this season's must have
Annual not wear a bra week  
No dancing in the streets
No your name is not Jenifer Beals
Whoever sings "singing in the rain" should be shot
Do not place your delicates on the washing line as it may end up in the neighbours garden ,which could perhaps result in a divorce. 
Scotland shouldn't bother looking at the forecast.
Don't attempt sexy kissing
No gone with the wind jokes
Highly likely to experience the embarrassment of the umbrella folding backwards

Worst gifts to receive on Valentine's day


We all expect our loved ones to know us best, but alas, the majority of the time when it comes to giving and receiving gifts this is not the case.

There are two types of protagonists to this story; one being the 'Closet Casanova' and two 'The Uncreative Man'. 

Top tip is to meet somewhere in the middle.


        
         Lingerie is a big risk!      


                           Lingerie that doesn't fit or men buy it because the model is hot.                                        (no denying it Adriana Lima is drop dead gorgeous).


Just a little over the top...


Gents, lets not try and discover your inner Goddess during the process... Keep it simple.
If I suddenly came back from work and discovered that Paris Hilton had moved her tiny hollow carcass through my bedroom...I would be very displeased. 


Chocolate worth under £15


Chocolate is so unoriginal, it's an easy get out out of free jail card for any last minute.com man, easily accessible at any time of day. If you are going to purchase a calorific collection, I would suggest digging deeper into your pockets.


1 Madron fc ticket 




If you know your football then you'll know the sheer failures of this team which of whom were thrashed 55-0. Just don't get your loved one something you'll love more than she would.




                   HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY HOPE IT ALL GOES WELL!





Thursday 6 February 2014

University neighbours.




666 door | Flickr - Photo Sharing!"That's when good neighbours become good friends"- Or maybe not?                                                                                                                                                   We all have those days when you want to bang on the wall or poke the ceiling with the vacuum cleaner. However, to some extent the majority of campus residents I have spoken to at my uni don't mind the fact that your neighbour can hear you coughing... Amongst other things.     

I managed to sort the research into categories , what kind of neighbour do you have?

                    

1.) The bring a friend back every night neighbour

This neighbour is in search of a mate and he or she will pull every trick in the book in order to get one. I mean picture the scene, you're just about to nod off when suddenly Maria Sharapova starts giving backhanders next door. I interviewed a few  post-graduates  and they said as a whole "it is most likely for fresher students to launch their bodies at each other during the first week of university".

Leila's suggestions;

a.) Invest in a pair of ear muffs.
b.) Slip a note under the door saying "I've heard better".
c.) Bring champagne to the party .

2.) The ninja neighbour

This sneaky devil only leaves behind so much as a whisper and the occasional door slamming. Rather than being seen and not heard they are heard but not seen. Which throws you into the role of Sherlock Holmes to investigate the weird being living on your floor. So you find yourself glued to the  spyhole once you hear a snap of a sound. 

Leila's suggestions;

a.) Knock on their door and ask them if the internet is working for them.
b.) Leave milk and cookies outside your door.
c.) Face the fact that there is a serial killer sharing your bathroom. 

3.) The nocturnal neighbour 

This neighbour has a date with the kitchen every 10 minutes. But, usually some species of nocturnal neighbours forget about the other creatures living around them; so they'll start to play the radio in the kitchen or decide to re-vamp the place  i.e moving furniture or start hoovering the invisible crumbs. 

Leila's suggestions;

a.) Put a 'out of use' sign on the kitchen door.
b.) Make them their favourite drink and tell them that Night Nurse is a brilliant mixer.
c.) Tell them a relative of yours died from insomnia.

4.) The can I borrow your sugar neighbour 

This sorry sod didn't think to come prepared for university. As you hear the dreaded knock at your door  you peep  through the spyhole to see the neighbour smiling ever so cunningly. You open the door, they ask you a pointless question about your life, then, they don't hang about as to why they're actually bothering you, why they got you out of your hell hole. "Could I borrow..."

Leila's suggestions;

a.) Just say sorry I don't have any.
b.) Pretend you can't speak English.
c.) Open the door wearing a gimp mask. 

" Borrowing trouble for yourself, if that's your nature , but don't lend it to your neighbours" 

    -Rudyard Kipling 





Tuesday 4 February 2014

Spring fashion trends for 2014

This spring it's all about fringing , inverse  shirt buttoning and smoke jackets with wide trousers.  

inverse shirt buttoning spring 2014 fashion trend Inverse shirt buttoning.



It may sound ludicrous and simple but with a decent
top or tunic it can be pulled off . Rather than leaving the top few buttons of your shirt undone, invert the process. Button up the top few, and leave the rest to float open wide. This look works well with crop tops and softer fabrics & lighter colours. Perfect to catch the fresh breeze.                                            
 This trend has been a common feature on the S/S14 runway particular from designers like Alexander Wang, Diesel Black &Gold and Rodarte . Other designers like Sergei Grinko and Trussardi  did the same with dresses. There’s no requirement to keep it to shirts.Whatever floats your boat/shirt.

fringing spring 2014 fashion trend Fringing


Fringing takes on a broad range of styles for spring 2014. To make a swish entrance or exit tassels work well with anything. Anything from a small detailing on a pair of boots or bag to a full out paper shredding . Look out for Georgina Chapman and Roerto Cavalli.
  

 Smoking Jackets &  Wide trousers              

 This look is definitely one for the city. A statement shouting women can pull off smoking Jackets too.  

tuxedo jacket spring 2014 fashion trend
One definitely for the working woman, it brings a hard edge to the femininity of bright colours and soft fabrics. The wide trousers compliments the flow of the jacket, whether it being done up still helps create a curvy structure on the body. Perfect to accompany a pair of shorts for the summer. 

The jackets can fit many occasions like work, weddings, or first dates it mixes sophistication with sexiness. A must have for the wardrobe this Spring.

Check out this amazing woman on Youtube on how to get the Spring 2014 hair look with amazing soft curls . I tried it myself it works wonders , Enjoy!



Monday 3 February 2014

MOJO IN SOHO


Soho has to be one of the renowned places in London town. Full of vibrant enchantment and strange people; basically Doctor Who's wet dream. 

The lost world is a contrast between the weird and wonderful , men walking with confidence in  6 inch Christian Louboutins and the straight men pretending not to look. A few metres down there is the pleasant China Town where before 8pm they're offering hot lamb dough balls off a hand-made cart and after 8pm it's full of rival drug gangs. People say it's the pinkest part of London  but I would have to disagree, I think it attracts more heterosexuals than homosexuals to the gay club scene ( no wonder it's in the City of Westminster). 

Soho was originally grazing farmland  until 1536 , when it was taken by Henry VIII as a royal park for the palace of Whitehall ( well it's full of Queens now). The name 'Soho' supposedly derives from a former hunting cry at the Battle of Sedgemoor. 

As well as an ostentatious club scene and a wild night at the theatre , Soho offers fantastic bites to eat. If you're ever in the area check out Bocca di Lupo an authentic Italian restaurant guaranteed to never disappoint.  





It's now a fashion statement to take pets on the London underground



I  did some research on laws regarding animals on the underground. The research showed that dogs were allowed, but had to be carried on the escalators  (good luck with biggie over there) . 

Other animals had to be in cages, one comment on Yahoo answers said that they once saw 'a cat sitting on a man's shoulder' . Besides already feeling like cattle on the tube , we might as well involve the animal kingdom. 

I went to London recently and saw that more men were accompanied by fluffy friends than women , well they do say dogs are a man's best friend.  Although, you can count your lucky chickens that the Chinese decided not to bring horses ( BBC translation "whores") on the tube  to Leicester Square over the weekend.



The animals were discovered by Paul Middlewick in 1988 . They're created using the tube lines, stations and junctions of the London Underground map. Paul found the original animal , the elephant , while he was staring at the tube map during his daily routine journey from home to work. Since then, Elephant and Castle ( as the elephant is called) has been joined by many others from bats to bottle-nose whales. 


What animals can you spot?








A man accused of committing sexual acts with farmyard animals near Tottenham Hotspurs training ground.


Cor, Blimey! Just look at those pair of chops. 

The 61-year-old IT worker was arrested near Tottenham Hotspur’s training ground on the 4th of September , after a couple allegedly saw him encouraging animals to have sex with him.


‘The witnesses saw him trying to encourage (using gestures) the sheep towards his groin area and say that he was basically trying to entice them to lick or suck on his genitals.’  

Mr Lovell claimed he was "Just relaxing"  when PC James Whitfield found him lying  with only his "shoes , socks and nothing else". 



Mr Lovell denies one charge of trying to commit sexual acts with an animal in a public place.
It was heard in court he was trying to "shoo" the animals away so he could sleep with no clothes on in the woods ( as you do) near the Premier League club’s facilities.


The court heard how Mr Lovell unsuccessfully tried to get a cow to ‘lick or suck’ on his genitals by putting his penis into the mouth of a cow. When this failed he allegedly ‘tried his luck with some sheep’, typical man behaviour if you asked me.
Prosecutor Robert Hutchinson said: ‘In this case the defendant with his penis tried to put it into or up next to, as if to put it into, the mouth of a cow.
‘He did not successfully penetrate the mouth of a cow with his penis and he then moved to another part of the field and tried his luck with some sheep.
Eat your heart out Wales ;)